do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize