he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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