and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
