i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
