why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
