i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
