I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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