hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you still have your period?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
