I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
