I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
