I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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