i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you never un-have a 4some
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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