It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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