wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
