Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
