Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
