I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
