morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
