She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize