So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
