trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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