I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize