I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
