so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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