Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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