How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
