I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
