I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
