need another drink. this is the easiest way
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
