i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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