Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
