Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
