you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
