We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
