I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
