I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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