i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
