Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
