I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
