i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
