I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
