Kiss
Puke
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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