this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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