I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
