Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
