she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
