I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
