Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
