I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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