Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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