i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
