I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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