If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
