mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
