For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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