You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
