Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
