Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
