If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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