your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
