i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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