i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
