I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize