just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
