Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
